I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize