Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
