Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
