they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
