You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
