My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
