I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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