its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
