I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
