Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
