I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
