Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
