Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
