i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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