i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
