I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
