No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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