i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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