I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
