Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
