Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize