If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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