is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
