Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
