It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
