i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
