My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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