I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
