Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
