I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
