Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
