I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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