I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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