Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize