well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
