Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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