If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
