Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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