while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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