I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
