32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize