If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
