So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
