There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
