he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
