I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
