btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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