My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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