yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Small penises have feelings too.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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