Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
