Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
