I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
