hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
