So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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