We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
