Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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