did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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