her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
