She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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