i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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