Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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