My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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