I think my vagina is haunted
I wish i was in the wii world.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
