I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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